Note: I wrote the selection below purely for fun in about 10 minutes as an exercise in absurd, zombie survival flash fiction. This is where my head would go if the zombie apocalypse found its way to my college. And yes, my college's president really does keep airplanes in his office.
Pac-Man is a survivor. While Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde are formidable foes, one thing is for certain: Pac-Man must win. In the midst of this outbreak, I must survive. I must become Pac-Man. After using my ample supply of poster tack to scale the walls, I delicately purloin the ceiling sprinkler override key from the now-undead head of facilities, spritzing his mouth with minty spray I always keep handy to fight that pesky “flesh breath” before I return to the vents. I stay hydrated by drinking potable sprinkler water, and I periodically activate the sprinklers so as to submerge the poor wretches in their soggy doom. Then, I rescue one of my college president’s many remote-controlled airplanes from his locked office and use it to transport snacks to and from the café. I have a close scrape with a kitchen zombie with an odd affinity for the one can opener in the entire school, but I subdue him with the quick whip of a dishtowel. Always bring a towel. As the apocalypse passes and my zombified schoolmates dissolve into melted goo, I reflect on how many ghouls I have “retired” and how many cherries and pretzels I have gobbled in my fight to survive. Pac-Man would be proud.
For never was a story of more woe
Than this of when DigiPen was overrun by zombie foes.
Copyright Alexandra Lucas 2015